RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!! (Vol. 2, No. 1)

The irony of the first edition of "RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!!" for 2017 is I'm not leading off with anything about the New Year at all.  Instead, as I often seem to do best, I choose to wax nostalgic.  I'm watching TV one day--surprise, surprise--and see the "Coach Steve" Dr. Pepper commercial featuring the Ol' Ball Coach, Steve Spurrier.  In the midst of essentially tuning him out, my ears instantly perk up to "Stuck with You" by Huey Lewis and the News.  As if I'm Marty McFly hopping in the DeLorean with Doc Brown and hitting 88 MPH, I'm immediately transported to one of the happiest times in my life.  (In my Sophia Petrillo voice) Picture it...Northwest D.C...1985...we're riding in Big Dadi Scribbler's "money" green Cadillac down North Capitol Street on a sunny day and "The Power of Love" is blaring through the speakers as I watch all the cars go by.  Particularly, I see this red 1984 Dodge Daytona Turbo Z pull up beside us--for fellow Hunter fans, it looked like the one Det. Sgt. Dee Dee McCall (Stepfanie Kramer) whipped around--and instantly wish I was old enough to drive it so I could blast Huey Lewis like he's going out of style soon.  So whenever I hear any of his music, especially if I'm watching Back to the Future, I smile one of my big smiles.  Since I know somebody is giving me the Biff Tannen treatment and calling me "Dork Scribbler" by now, let's simply get on with the rest of this madness before I lose additional credibility...

THE "CAILLOU NEEDS HIS BUTT BEAT" CHRONICLES, PART 1.  I can't speak for parents outside of the Black community, but the consensus of us parents and grandparents cannot stand Caillou.  Don't get me wrong, I actually liked him at first because he's a realistic kid with believable reactions to everyday situations.  However, one of those reactions which grinds the gears of every parent I know is how annoyingly whiny he is--and if there's anything prone to make me blow my stack, then it's a whiny kid or person in general.  (Whiny women annoy me the most because 1) the treble in their voices might as well be nails scratching on a chalkboard and 2) they're grown and shouldn't be friggin' whining.  Huge turn-off, but I digress.)  So in one of the early episodes of Caillou, he attends his daycare for the first time and when his soon-to-be friend Leo is mean to him off the break, he cries out, "MAH-MEEEE!!!"  Maybe a month or two after the last time I saw that episode, I heard Baby Boy Scribbler mimic one of his favorite characters in that same grating tone.  In that moment, I said to myself, "Now I see why everybody wants to beat Caillou's a--!"  However, if I ever attempted to do so, then I don't think Mini-Me would ever forgive me.  Still, my remote control trigger finger is always itching to switch from Sprout to PBS Kids whenever I hear "I'm just a kid who's four" start playing and knowing I don't keep enough cheese to go with the whine...

FARFETCHED THEORIES IN CULTURE VULTURING.  Continuing with the theme of being a parent who loves his kid's cartoons, one of my favorite shows on PBS Kids is The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That because I am thoroughly entertained by how knowledgeable and zany his character is.  When I realized Martin Short was the voice of The Cat in the Hat, it explained everything and fueled my interest in the show even more.  Of course, we can't have a serious discussion about TCITHKALAT--I know it's one of the longest acronyms you've ever seen, if ABC is allowed to abbreviate How to Get Away with Murder, then I should get a pass, too--without the "Let's Go on an Adventure" song, which is the automatic turnup in the Scribbler household despite normally turning up harder than everyone else.  Speaking of the word "go" being used more than once, here is where my farfetched theory comes into play: I seriously doubt Martin Short knows anything about D.C. go-go music.  However, for my "errea" folks, I pose this question: am I the only one who thinks he sounds a lot like Weensey from Backyard Band?  I mean, seriously...how far off would it be to implement some congas in those songs and throw some unnecessary echoes on Short's singing voice while he's singing on a barely-standard P.A. mic to make you feel like he's two steps from chanting "Keep It Gangsta"?  Wouldn't be the first time somebody bit off of go-go, but as much as go-go has "borrowed", I won't go there.  Like I said, it's simply a theory concocted in this wild brain of mine, but I guarantee you'll never hear The Cat in the Hat the same again...

THE REMY HIT LIST, PART 1: ADD THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS.  Truth be told, I have never been a Steelers fan.  Granted, I never hated them at any point like I have with the Cowboys and as long as they have more rings than Dem Boyz, then they're alright with me...to an extent.  However, because I've always been between 25 and 45 minutes from Baltimore and have more or less supported the Ravens (except when they've played any of my teams), I can never cheer for the Black and Gold but so much.  Well, in watching the "Immaculate Reception" episode of NFL Network's A Football Life, I've had the following epiphany: I should hate the Steelers.  Knowing how they stood in the way of the John Madden-coached Oakland Raiders from potentially going to more Super Bowls in 1972, 1974 and 1975, the sight of a Terrible Towel should make my skin itch like Ralphie wearing that Devil-awful bunny costume in A Christmas Story.  I know, if I'm a die-hard Raiders fan, then I should despise the Chiefs, the Broncos and the Chargers more, right?  Heck, if I truly wanted to be Petty Bridgewater about it, then I should still harbor a little hatred for the Seahawks since they spent 26 years in the AFC West before moving to the NFC, huh?  Those are fair points, but when you're reminded of the most infamous "catch" which may have never happened legitimately but cannot be disputed with much substantial video evidence, then you might be a wee bit on the Morton's side of the game...

WHITE PEOPLE WITH BLACK NAMES, PART 1: TROY JACKSON.  When you perform a Google image search for the name "Troy Jackson", the first eight images to pop up are related to the late Troy "Escalade" Jackson, who was legendary on the AND1 Mixtape Tour and was also the younger brother of former NBA player, former head coach and ESPN game analyst Mark Jackson.  Now let me be clear: Black folk don't truly have the license on any set of names not originating from the Motherland, but say the name "Troy Jackson" to someone you know and you're going to automatically assume it's a brother nine times out of ten.  So when News One Now's Roland Martin was introducing Rev. Troy Jackson of the Sojourners on a broadcast a few months ago, I totally expected a Black man anywhere between the ages of 30 and 45--especially because the majority of Martin's guests are Black.  Imagine my surprise when he turned out to be a middle-aged White man.  I darn near spit out my water laughing in disbelief...and, as Executive Director of the AMOS Project in Cincinnati as well as a champion for social justice and community engagement, he had the nerve to be "woke".  At this point, I'm simply waiting to see the first Malik or Tyrone of a fairer complexion for me to say I've seen everything except the face of God.  (By the way, in that aforementioned Google search, this Troy Jackson is the ninth image to appear.  There's another White Troy Jackson a few rows down, but for the most part, that's a pretty "urban" name to say the least.)

Got some randomness you wanna share?!?!  I mean, I haven't done one of these in months, so I know you've got something...share if you dare in the comments.  Please don't forget to come back soon--hopefully, much sooner next time--for the next exhilarating edition of the never-duplicated-or-imitated "RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!!"