RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!! (Vol. 1, No. 12)

Have you ever had a hankering for food and watching TV or going on social media only intensified your cravings?!?!  Because I worked on Labor Day, I missed my last opportunity for a summer cookout--not like I was invited to any cookouts, but still--and had a taste for some BBQ ribs.  Of course, what was one of the first pictures I see on Facebook from somebody's cookout?  That's right: a delicious looking slab of BBQ ribs sprawled across the grill--and the brother looked like he knew what he was doing.  Add insult to injury, I DVR'd both General Hospital and Atlanta, watched them two days later and what did both episodes feature??  What else...ribs.  In fact, they didn't even show the ribs on GH; all they had to do was mention ribs and I was ready to head to Port Charles.  Sadly, it took me nearly three weeks to satisfy the basic craving and nearly a month to get a super-tasty half rack of baby back ribs.  (MORE RANDOMNESS: as I typed that, I thought of Fat Bastard from Austin Powers in Goldmember singing, "I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back...ribs."  You did, too.  Admit it.)  As long as I don't have to see anybody post pictures of sushi anytime soon, then I'll manage with that craving for another week before I have to buckle down for a Volcano Roll.  Now that I've made your mouth water--which is becoming the new theme over D.C. Metro and PBS Kids--let's get to the madness...

PARKING WARS.  I wholeheartedly believe you can tell a lot about somebody from the way they park their car and folks who pull into spaces annoy every fiber of my being.  First and foremost, maybe I'm one of those people who would rather do the work in the beginning and have it easier in the end, but you have a hard time convincing me the vast majority of people who pull into a space don't have the propensity to be lazy.  In fact, these bammas are so pitiful that they will still pull into a space which clearly says "BACK-IN PARKING ONLY" like the example in the picture.  Second, how do you pull into a space and still park crooked, over the line or both?  Third, I absolutely abhor when the only open spaces in a parking lot are between two gargantuan SUVs or minivans--of course, both parked with their rears to the street.  Fourth, what annoys me the most is when these folks back out of the space and dart out into the street without looking one time for oncoming traffic.  I had Baby Boy Scribbler in the car with me coming from grocery shopping a few weeks ago and some jackwagon in a yellow Mustang backed out dumb fast in the Shop Rite parking lot.  If my son is in the car with me when some fool doesn't watch where they're going and they hit us, then I can't be held responsible for my actions--and I don't mean that as a euphemism.  I have to remind myself I can't let the Southeast come out in White Oak because Mo' County cops don't play...

"YOU COULD RUN AROUND! I DON'T CARE, BABY!"  When Alexander O'Neal's All True Man album was released and The Original Quiet Storm would sometimes play "Hang On", I wasn't even in junior high yet and didn't pay close attention to most of the lyrics outside of "baby, let's hang on".  Therefore, certain aspects of romantic relationships flew right over my head like I still lived at Momma Scribbler's house.  Even when I purchased the album five years after its release and I was a more mature teenager, I was still oblivious to one key set of lines.  However, when I was listening to the album last month and I heard "you could run around, I don't care, baby", all I could think was, "Wow, Alex...you sound like an old sucker for love."  Granted, that bubble thought was a case of "hello Kettle, I'm Pot and you're black AF" as the book on me has been the story of Captain Save 'Em All Day one too many times.  However, I don't care how much of a rough spot I've gone through with anyone or how much I love them, no woman on the face of God's green Earth is that awesome and no coochie is that lavish--yes, I used the word "lavish" to describe a woman's treasure trove, but blame Rick Ross for that--to make me give her the green light to be somebody's bust down.  I get the premise of what he's saying, but that's still a resounding "or nah"; that ain't eeeeeem worth hanging on to, bruh...

"X GON' GIVE IT TO YA!"  Imagine watching a typical advertisement from your neighborhood cable provider.  Usually, said provider is bragging on their customer service...yada yada yada...their quality of product...blahzay blah...and/or taking gratuitous shots at their competitors about how their Internet speeds are the fastest...ho hum, sing me a lullaby why don't you.  However, in the most random turn of events, some advertising genius decides to throw a curve ball and give us avid hip hop fans a nice little throwback to 2003 as those Vizio speakers do their best to boom with "X' GON GIVE IT TO YA!"  The only natural and acceptable response is, "WHAT?!?!"  When I first heard DMX infused in XFINITY's latest string of commercials for their "Future of Awesome" campaign, it not only made me overjoyed about DMX being involved in anything, but it also reminded me how awesome the X1 platform truly is while momentarily forgiving XFINITY for their atrocious customer service.  (Trust me...I do mean momentarily because we have a cable outage or Wi-Fi issue too frequently for what we pay and paying on time.)  It's a sagacious move to appeal to a potential customer base in my age range who might be looking to switch from DIRECTV, dish, RCN or Verizon FIOS--although I don't understand why anyone would do that despite rumblings of Verizon's On Demand paling in comparison.  Why not take it back to a time when Ruff Ryders were running rap and DMX owned the radio, the charts and the album sales?!?!  I see y'all, Comcast...

FUNNY MOMENTS WITH BIG LITTLE BROTHER SCRIBBLER, PART 1.  If this final section is about my beloved younger brother, then why is there a picture of the eternally-fine Nia Long as Debbie from Friday?!?!  Work with me, y'all.  Now before I go into story mode, let's clear the air: although my brother was my best man at my wedding, he and I typically don't talk about women or relationships anywhere near as much as we talk about sports and music.  It's not like we haven't ever contributed pearls of wisdom to each other, but that's not the nature of our brotherhood for the most part.  Moreover, he's always been pickier when it comes to women and while he's never even remotely thrown shade about my choices, I'd probably date more of his type than he would from my diverse pool.  So one afternoon during summer break after my first year of college, we unexpectedly ran into my ex-girlfriend at Pentagon City, who I always said was "Nia Long fine".  (The irony of us running into her at Pentagon City was she stood me up there for a movie date, which ultimately sealed our unfortunate fate.)  Mind you, they never met because she and I didn't see each other much during our five-month relationship, so in addition to being cordial as usual, I was surprised he was visibly impressed upon introduction.  Afterwards, he says to me, "That's your ex-girlfriend?  So why aren't y'all still together?!?!"  Although I'm the older brother and he's looked up to me on so many occasions, receiving my younger brother's enthusiastic stamp of approval on someone I dated was winning on the highest level.

Okay NPT Super Supporters...I know y'all have been holding out on me...where are those thoughts, people?!?!  PLEASE share some of your random moments in the comments if you dare.  Don't forget to return for another edition of the inconsistently-popular-but-consistently-haphazard "RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!!"