Tuesday, November 22, 2016

RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS (Vol. 1, No. 15)


In this "TV Rots Your Brain" Edition of "RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!!", we begin with the unfortunate failure of political agendas in children's programming.  Allow me to start off by saying this: PBS Kids' Peg + Cat wins on its own merit as being one of the best educational cartoons in the game, especially when they pay homage to a legendary singer like Billie Holiday or celebrate renowned talent of the modern era like ballet dancer Misty Copeland.  When the two-part "Peg and Cat Save the World" episode premiered in March, they continued that theme of empowerment by featuring a woman President, voiced by Sandra Oh.  Perhaps the thought was 1) it's been high time for a woman to be POTUS and 2) judging from the pool of qualified candidates at that time, Secretary Hillary Clinton seemed to have the best shot at winning the Oval Office and they wanted to endorse her without official bumper stickers and lawn signs.  (Whole time, she's even wearing a pantsuit.)  Unfortunately, young ladies who were sure such a prediction would come true, especially because Peg + Cat said so, will have to wait at least another four years.  Nice try, Jennifer Oxley and Billy Aronson...too bad most of the South which contains a large share of the country's racists and sexists didn't take heed to your animated memo.  Perhaps the perfect segue for the first segment...

THE REAL AMERICAN BROADCASTING COMPANY.  Although the latter three words are the long form version of ABC, CBS (short for the Columbia Broadcasting System) should have that title as "America's Most Watched Network", but not because of ratings.  Despite having African Americans, Hispanics and Latinos and Asian Americans in supporting cast roles, not one show in CBS' current lineup features a cast of mostly people of color or a person of color as the lead actor.  When you have less of us on the second oldest commercial broadcasting television network out of the four majors (NBC is the oldest), then I'm sure there's a section of America who is relieved CBS has largely "included" them and won't publicly confess feeling some type of way about seeing Michael Ealy, Priyanka Chopra, Randall Park, Constance Wu, Sofia Vergara, Anthony Anderson, Tracee Ellis Ross, Kerry Washington and Viola Davis thrive and dominate the most diverse channel in network television.  If it weren't for The Big Bang Theory, The NFL on CBS or the short-lived BrainDead, then I probably wouldn't watch CBS at all because 1) most of their shows aren't that compelling and 2) the network clearly doesn't represent folks who look more like me.  Truth be told, the only thing CBS had going for them in my youth were their Saturday morning cartoons, but once long-running staples like Muppet Babies and Garfield and Friends went off the air in the 90s, my attention span went with them and never came back.  Like President-Elect Donald Trump, CBS is "American" in a lot more ways than either they'd care to admit or I have time to explain beyond an already lengthy segment...

MEMO TO FOX SPORTS: STOP BEING LAZY.  As a longtime connoisseur of sports theme music, I have always enjoyed how networks give you different feelings for different sports.  When Fox outbid CBS for the right to broadcast NFL games in 1993 and first aired in August 1994, their theme music, composed by Scott Schreer, was indelible.  When creative director and ABC Sports defector George Greenberg commissioned Schreer to compose the opening theme for Fox NFL, he told him it should sound like "Batman on steroids"--which echoed Fox Sports president David Hill's sentiment of "Batman plays football".  The result was one of the darkest, most cinematic contrasts to any sports theme music in the mid 90s and a now iconic composition.  The problem, however, is Fox Sports has had trouble thinking outside of the box as all of their sports programs have adopted the same music as or a variation of the Fox NFL theme since 2010.  Don't get me wrong, I have always loved the theme, but it reeks of being a bit uncreative.  In contrast, CBS' music for their SEC and NFL packages are markedly different, but more important, they're both dope and get you in the mood to watch either college or pro football.  ESPN's music for MLB, the NBA, the NFL and any NCAA sports are all different--although I'm a little more partial to the college football and MLB themes.  Here's a simple way to break down my issue with Fox: if they're going to use Schreer's composition for every sport, then I would never want Fox to acquire the rights to the Winter or Summer Olympics...ever...


WHEN COMMERCIALS GO LEFT, PART 1: KILLING MICE FOR SCHMUCKS.  Drawing inspiration for this segment title from Barry Speck's (Steve Carell) "mouseterpieces" and the great lengths he endured to retrieve his subjects from 2010's Dinner for Schmucks, neither have I ever understood the infatuation with taxidermy mice nor have I ever been a fan of it.  Truth be told, I find it to be a bit disgusting because who wants to deal with mice when they're alive let alone when they're deceased?  Feeding off of that culture,  Tomcat has developed a new ad campaign using taxidermy mice for their Mouse Killer II trap, but the "Dead Mouse Theatre: Death Bullet" spot is particularly disturbing.  When the voice over narrator says, "What will we do with all these dead mice," you see a taxidermy mouse in the tailpipe of a car--which is a great looking car, by the way--shot toward a bullseye placed on a tombstone and lands in its grave.  Granted, after having a mice problem at my first apartment in Southeast D.C. with one rogue rodent chewing through a bag of bread, I don't fool with the little nasty bastids.  However, even this was one of those moments which made me go, "Whoa!  Too far, man.  Too far..."

WHEN COMMERCIALS GO LEFT, PART 2: TO PAY ATTENTION OR NOT TO PAY ATTENTION?  THAT IS THE QUESTION.  In an era where technological advances in communication are supposed to bring people closer together, it seems as if the vast majority of tech-driven TV commercials center around escapism and distraction, and there are two recent commercials which may drive this point home the most.  First, in a Yo-Kai Watch Wibble Wobble commercial, a parent has to lumber through what appears to be a snoozer of a PTA meeting.  Mrs. Scribbler and I haven't quite reached that point yet, but I'm generally not a fan of structured meetings, so I get it.  Then she goes on to promote the game modeled in a similar vain as Candy Crush Saga and says, "Because you deserve not to pay attention."  As her son comes up to her with a drawing and clearly seeking his mother's attention and approval, she hugs him with little interest in his masterpiece and says "let's go home and play now" while still playing the game.  Although I try not to take commercials like these too seriously, I immediately thought, "Sheesh...I hope I never curb Baby Boy Scribbler like that!"

Ironically, however, Bose got at my life in two different ways.  In a Bose QuietComfort 35 commercial, Baltimore Ravens offensive guard John Urschel (who is currently a Ph.D. in mathematics candidate at MIT) is excited about Houston Texans defensive end J.J. Watt also having a pair of these fascinating headphones.  The problem is Watt gives off a Penny (Kaley Cuoco) vibe from The Big Bang Theory in a room full of geniuses.  As Urschel reels off an enthusiastic but complicated explanation a la Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons) about the technology, Watt is not allowing his buddy's whiteboard dissertation take him too far away from his music as he gives the occasional impression of being remotely interested.  On one hand, I can relate to J.J. Watt's need to use music as a refuge and get in a zone, especially at work when people start fussing incessantly about work; hence, a pair of those Bose QC35s would come in handy amidst the boisterousness.  On the other hand, I've also felt John Urschel's pain of being excited to explain or have a discussion about something and feeling like folks are too distracted or would rather watch paint dry than listen to me for the time equivalent of even this brief spot.  Moral of the story: while being distracted has its rare perks, I believe we all can do a better job at humaning.  (That's not a word...I'm aware.)  Quite the statement from the unapologetic connoisseur of all things television, but I merely suggested unplugging is necessary; I never said it was necessarily easy.

Don't feel as if I'm the only person allowed to talk about randomness on this post...PLEASE feel free to share some of those off-the-wall thoughts on your mind in the comments if you dare.  Don't forget to return next time for another mildly-entertaining edition of "RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!!"

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