Scribbler's Rave & Favorite Five: Tuesday Night at the Movies, #3 The Last Dragon

So I know y'all were expecting the continuation of the "Tuesday Night at the Movies" edition of the "Rave & Favorite Five" last week and maybe that one Frantic Fanatic of the Blog out there thought, "Uttt-ohh...is he bumping one movie for another again?"  Well, unlike the conundrum of picking between House Party and Friday in the No. 4 slot, this holdup was simple: the late, great Muhammad Ali passed away, so yeah...that kinda took precedence.  Anyway, as you see which movie comes in at No. 3, there might be some of you who might think, "You have The Last Dragon ahead of Friday and (for those one or two of you hard core science fiction buffs) Blade Runner?!?!" Others might side eye from a different angle like, "The Last Dragon is only at No. 3???  What could you possibly have ahead of it?!?!"  Either way, this movie has been part of my cultural consciousness since I was six years old, it never ever gets loses its nostalgic allure and I'll give both the stiff critics and the overzealous cultists five good reasons why it made my cut...

#5 THE LAST DRAGON WAS THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO MOTOWN IN THE 80s.  Don't get me wrong, DeBarge, Rick James and Stevie Wonder were holding down the music division the strongest--although the former two acts had so much personal drama that it took away from how much more successful they could've been.  However, it was clear that this wasn't the 1960s or the 1970s anymore when it seemed like everything they touched went gold and platinum with little to no effort.  Michael Jackson had a worldwide smash album with Thriller, but it was long after he and most of his brothers left for CBS/Epic.  Marvin Gaye couldn't cure his personal issues enough to produce any more hits with Motown/Tamla, but gave Columbia one last hurrah with "Sexual Healing" once he also switched labels in 1982.  The Temptations kept getting back together and breaking up all over again, so despite a few hits and making one of the best Christmas albums of all time at the beginning of the decade, they couldn't consistently return to form.  Lastly, did anyone believe that Rockwell would have lasting success beyond "Somebody's Watching Me"?  I was only five years old and knew he had "one-hit wonder" written all over him--and I think dear old dad Berry Gordy knew that, too.

So what was the natural solution to make Gordy look like a genius once again?  Why, a martial arts musical centered around predominantly Black characters of course!  Like seriously...outside of the highlights that I just listed and the Motown 25: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow special, what else do you remember Motown for during the 1980s?  Despite being met with mixed reviews from film critics who usually don't have much of a pulse when they review movies anyway--especially when it comes to reviewing any movie that with a predominantly Black cast--the movie more than doubled its production costs in box office revenue and was a commercial success.  Many of the actors in The Last Dragon are known mainly for their work in this film while others were either already establishing themselves or on their way to doing more.  Besides, what else coming from their stable of creativity in the 80s built as much of a cult following as The Last Dragon?!?!  Let me tell it, Street Songs was the only complete Motown music project that was as memorable as and more artistically advanced than The Last Dragon, but I never have to be in the mood to watch the latter and, unfortunately, I don't hear enough people talk about how dope Street Songs is.  Speaking of Motown music though...

#4 THE SOUNDTRACK KICKED JUST AS MUCH BUTT AS LEROY AND SHO'NUFF.  The one element that's been missing from movies since perhaps the early 2000s are memorable soundtracks, which are just as important to the success and lasting power of a film as the film itself.  Fortunately for the sake of this argument, that wasn't a problem with The Last Dragon as die-hard fans probably sing the songs just as much as they quote the movie.  Who can forget Laura Charles (Vanity) cascading down from the lights, singing "7th Heaven" and reeling off that unforgettable, "NEVAH SAY...NEVAHHH!   At Heaven's EL-AH-VAY-TAH DOOOR!!"  How can anyone overlook the hilarity of Sho'Nuff (Julius J. Carry III) saying "shut up, b---h" as he kicked in the TV in anger after having to suffer through Angela Viracco's (Faith Prince) "Dirty Books" during his destruction of Daddy Green's Pizza to send a message to "Junior"?!?!  What about Laura taking Leroy Green (Taimak) to the TV studio to see the Bruce Lee montage while "The Glow" by Willie Hutch (known for his work on another iconic soundtrack in Black culture, The Mack) heightens the experience?  Whether it's the protectors of the Sum Dum Goy fortune cookie factory dancing to Raw Dog's "Suki Yaki Hot Saki Sue", Eddie Arkadian (Chris Murney) screaming to Charlene's "Fire" like it was the greatest song ever, Leroy and Sho'Nuff opening up cans of whoop on each other to Dwight David's "The Last Dragon", Leroy and Laura elevating into the lights to Smokey Robinson and Syreeta's "First Time on a Ferris Wheel" or Laura featuring the soundtrack's biggest hit in DeBarge's "Rhythm of the Night" (which was actually the group's one and only music video), every last one of these songs connect you straight to the movie.  They might not have all been the greatest compositions ever made, but for a movie set smack dab in the middle of the 80s, they served their purpose.

#3 THEY DIDN'T CALL HIM SHO'NUFF FOR NOTHING.  Although Leroy was the clear-cut protagonist, the obvious star of the show was Sho'Nuff.  From the opening tap, he steps into that Harlem movie theater imposing his will: "Am I the meanest?  (Sho'Nuff!)  Am I the prettiest?  (Sho'Nuff!)  Am I the baddest mo-fo lowdown around this town?  (Sho'Nuff!)"  Heck, you would've thought that the "total supremacy" that Beast spoke of ran through Sho'Nuff instead of "Bruce Leroy".  As a character who always made me think of somebody's uncle who swore he was a cross between Bruce Lee and Muhammad Ali, he made big, wild, stringy hair en vogue; shutter glasses cool well before Kanye West; turned tiger print into a badge of honor instead of a fashion faux pas; fused martial arts and football gear to look even more intimidatingly titanic; and made Converse the original kick-butt, brand-name shoe of the hood long before Raekwon the Chef uttered "rough like Timberland wear, yeah" in "Da Mystery of Chessboxin'".  Let me tell it, he was the coolest villain in any movie ever made because as much as you felt like you should cheer for Leroy because he's the hero of the story, "Mr. 'Nuff" had more swagger in his eyebrows than Leroy had in his entire body.  Leroy may have ultimately taken him to the wood shed in the battle of wills, but Sho'Nuff routinely mopped the floor with him in charisma.  While Julius Carry was not a one-hit wonder with his acting career--notably co-starring in Doctor, Doctor on CBS, The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. on FOX and Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place on ABC--would The Last Dragon have been a critical and commercial flop without him?  I think the answer is pretty obvious...Sho'Nuff!

 #2 COULD YOU TEACH ME SOME LINES?!?!  Much like Friday and the remaining two movies on this countdown, The Last Dragon is celebrated largely because of the quotables.  Thus, you know what time it is...another internal "Rave & Favorite Five"!  No. 5...when Eddie, Rock and the goons invade Laura's studio and hold her captive, Leroy's little brother Richie (Leo O'Brien) calls himself being tough: "Get your hands off my woman!  I said get your hands off my woman!"  There are three hilarious parts about this: 1) the look that Laura gives Richie when he says it the first time; 2) the "Negro please" laugh that Eddie gives him after the second command; and 3) my niece through marriage used to quote this part all the time, so this had to make the cut.  No. 4...Laura seeks Leroy's protection: "So, I thought that maybe it would be a great idea...if I got myself a bodyguard, you know?  Like, someone to guard my body!"  No. 3...when Angela finally grew tired of Eddie's self-centered shenanigans, he tries to throw shade: "Without me, you're nothing!  Without that outfit, you're just another no-talent, dental school dropout from Kew Gardens gettin' by...on her tits!"  However, Angela returns shade to sender: "In the end, Eddie, you know what?  You're nothing but a misguided, midget a--hole with dreams of ruling the world!  Yeah, also from Kew Gardens.  And also getting by on my tits."  No. 2...when Sho'Nuff first encounters the "mysterious...the elusive Leroy Green", he's less than impressed and gives Leroy a piece of his mind: "I am sick of hearing these bullsh-- Superman stories about the "wahsa" legendary Bruce Leroy catchin' bullets with his teeth.  Catches bullets with his teeth?  N---a please!"  No. 1...after several unsuccessful encounters with the one-man wrecking crew in Leroy, Eddie and Rock seek out the services of Sho'Nuff, who already had an axe to grind with him anyway: "Keep your money.  You just get that sucka to the designated place...at the designated time...and I will gladly designate his a--...for dismemberment!"  Although there are many more that I could've included, The Last Dragon is another one of those movies that I can darn near recite from front to back, back to front, right side up, upside down and in another language if you give me long enough to grab a copy of Rosetta Stone.

#1 "THIS IS AN EXCLUSIVE!"  There is so much to love about one of the most epic showdowns between protagonist and antagonist, but like a lot of The Last Dragon, there is an unintentional comedic element within the most action-packed moment of the movie.  First, when Sho'Nuff loses sight of Leroy and gets ambushed looking for him, he's lying on the ground and lets out a grunt that sounds like he just soiled himself.  Second, and shortly thereafter, Sho'Nuff startles the young soul searcher as he screams out "LEROY!!!"  As his hands possess a red glow, he says with an arrogant smirk, "Playtime's over, boy!"  Leroy immediately looks down at his hands in confusion like, "Wait a minute...how come my hands don't do that?!?!"  Third, after Leroy finally realizes that the master that he was looking for inside of him, he stops an oncoming punch from Sho'Nuff, gets the Golden Glow around his body, crushes Sho's hand and forces him to yell out in pain, "Let me go, muthaf---a!  Let me go!"  The additional funny part is when Sho's glow starts fizzling out after Leroy shows him a couple of warm-up moves that may have inspired the directors of The Matrix on the low.  Finally, as Leroy takes over the battle with ease, Sho is looking less like Bruce Lee and Muhammad Ali combined and more like somebody's winded old uncle in a tacky old sweatsuit that he probably got for cheap at the swap meet.  I don't care how old I get or how many times I see this movie before I'm dead and gone, this scene will always be the reason why I watch The Last Dragon until the very end.  Besides, if the final kick-butt scene in a kick-butt movie doesn't kick butt, then the entire movie should just kick rocks.

So I already know that there's a deep legion of faithful, enthusiastic Last Dragon fanatics out there!  Therefore, PLEASE feel free to drop a few of your favorite lines, scenes or general things in the comments.  Don't forget to come back next week and see which film lands at No. 2 in the "Tuesday Night at the Movies" edition of the "Rave & Favorite Five"!!!