RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!! (Vol. 1, No. 1)

If you know anything about me, then you've realized by now that I have one of the most random trains of thought in the entire world--a tangential tendency that either wildly entertains or utterly annoys.  I could be figuring out what songs will make my next album while planning a promotional strategy one minute, but then see a shiny new bus stop sign and go off about Metro false advertising a route that no longer exists--a route that I predicted would be eliminated for its sheer pointlessness.  (Yes...that literally happened a few days ago and the reason for the above picture as a tribute.)  So I've decided that in lieu of trying to condense all of my crazy thoughts on Facebook posts or Tweets, I'd rather expand them and create a brand new posting series: "RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!!"  Let the wackiness begin...

TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED??? It goes without saying that humans are an amazing species--by the grace of God, of course--and very few areas highlight our accomplishments as an overall race than the field of technology.  We've gone from simply using our phones to talk to people to being able to surf the Net, track how many steps we've taken or how many calories we've eaten, listen to our favorite music, watch TV shows and movies and take pictures and videos of our most precious moments.  We are able to synchronize those phones with our vehicles that are able to tell us whether we're veering in an occupied lane or too close to another vehicle while parallel parking--some of which can even drive themselves like they're K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider.  Heck, there's even the weird development of robotic people that make nearly all of the facial expressions and gestures that real people do.  Granted, it looks creepy AF and it's potentially diabolical, but it's remarkable nonetheless.  So with all of these advents, I only have one question: why are we still unable to use pennies in vending machines?!?!  I know...we're able to use our credit and debit cards now, but 1) that's not every machine and 2) I often would rather use loose change than swipe and take $1.25 hit--$0.25 transaction fee and $1 to my Way-to-Save account.  Go to any grocery store express checkout and you're able to use them, so why hasn't that same technology been implemented when I'm not myself when I'm hungry, want a Snickers and have only a dollar in change including five pennies?  I'm sure that there's some simultaneously reasonable but inexplicably asinine reason for it, but I need somebody to get on that.  Those five pennies can make the difference between needing a moment with Twix and only having enough to buy a pack of Winterfresh that I don't want but probably need...

ONE TO GROW ON.  All of you budding cartoonists and creative geniuses can get ready to thank me...so every morning, I watch cartoons on PBS Kids with Baby Boy Scribbler like Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, Peg + Cat and Dinosaur Train.  However, the thing that always disappoints me is when the kids voicing the characters on a lot of these shows outgrow the roles, the casting directors bring in new kids and they sound nothing like the original voice--Super WHY! is the first show that comes to mind.  Only time that really worked is with Caillou, but finding a whiny kid isn't that difficult.  (Yes, that was intentional shade thrown at that little boy that every parent I know wants to whoop one good time.)  Then I thought about how cartoon characters rarely change clothes unless they're like superheroes or dressing up for some fancy occasion and, more important, the child characters never get older.  Daniel Tiger and Caillou are both perpetually four--although Daniel gets a baby sister Margaret who hasn't aged either--Peg has stayed five and Zou the Zebra remains in the nine to eleven range.  So I thought, "Has there ever been a cartoon that tracks the progression of a character from entering preschool to graduating high school or college?"  It would be cool because kids could grow with the show and identify with different sets of issues as they learn more about life and mature, but the humor and fun factors would be tailored to their advancement.  Although it would be hard to keep all of the same child voice actors as I've seen kids frequently swapped out on daytime soaps and in the aforementioned programs, it would still be an awesome concept because Maggie Simpson shouldn't have to suck on a pacifier for the rest of her life and Stewie Griffin's body should have the opportunity to catch up with his football head.  Disney PIXAR...get on that and you're welcome.  I'll take my cut in all Tubmans, thanks...

AIN'T NO STUNTIN' IN YO' FUTURE.  I have always found it interesting when film directors, cartoonists and even auto engineers had these grand visions of concept cars--predictions that usually combined touches of the present with an exaggerated futuristic design.  Let movies like Back to the Future Part II and Blade Runner tell it, we should have either been in flying cars by now or should expect to be in them by 2019.  Unfortunately, there are many visions that I am glad never came to fruition because even as a child, I have always that the "cars of the future" were hideous.  Heck, when the Autobots were still on Cybertron battling the Decepticons, I was not a fan of the vehicles they transformed into until they crashed on Earth and started turning into Porsche 911s, Lamborghini Diablos and VW Beetles; they needed to come to our planet to get their swagger when the "chief" told them to "roll out".  In all fairness to modern designs, many makes and models have improved since the 80s and 90s like the Chevy Camaro--which made me wish that Pontiac hadn't folded so that the Firebird could've followed suit (and that could've been a random thought alert segment all on its own)--or most Audis and Mercedes-Benzes.  However, I would be grossly disappointed if my beautifully-crafted 2014 Honda Accord--which is my favorite body type in the model's legendary 40-year history--looked more like something out of Demolition Man.  Take a good look at that picture above.  Do y'all really wanna drive cars that looks like that?!?!  There's absolutely nothing sexy about that.  Besides, if people still can't drive very well--especially in the D.C. area--then the human race as a whole isn't ready for the advent of the flying car just yet.  Need I remind you...we still have vending machines that discriminate against the most disregarded, devalued piece of currency in the world.  One thing at a time, playa...one thing at a time...

WHEN NON-BLACK PEOPLE SAY "BLACK" THINGS.  So much like ESPN sports personality and fellow Libra Stephen A. Smith and thanks to Mrs. Scribbler, I have become a huge fan of General Hospital.  While watching yesterday's episode, Smith's favorite character, Sonny Corinthos (Maurice Benard), and his son Michael (Chad Duell) went to Puerto Rico to rescue his ex-girlfriend Sabrina Santiago (Teresa Castillo).  Relieved and thankful that she narrowly escaped death, she said this to him in a frank conversation about their failed relationship: "As soon as you found out that I'd been lying to you about being my baby's father, we split up."  Now the hilarity of this is twofold: 1) it made me think of one of when Chris Rock said, "A woman's lie is like 'it's your baby"; and 2) I always find it funny when people who aren't Black say phrases that Black people are known for saying.  Granted, there were other GH episodes when reformed-serial-killer-turned-art-therapist Franco (Roger Howarth) actually said "baby mama" and the awkwardness of a middle-aged White man saying that term was much more obvious.  However, whenever a lot of non-Black folk say "baby mama", "baby daddy" or any variation thereof, they sound like they're either trying to be too proper, making a mockery of the term or both; either way, it rarely sounds as natural as when we say it.  Kinda made me think of anytime when commercial voiceover narrators--often White women--announce upcoming award shows with special performances by artists like Lil Wayne or Lil' Kim and they pronounce "Lil" just like they saw it.  It's hard to describe on a blog, but Black folk all across the country just tend to say "Lil" with a little less pensiveness and a lil' more swagger.  Oh yeah, and other phrases like "you go girl" and "no he/she didn't" have often been stripped of their charisma--and any bit of their comedic value when we don't say it--so those can effectively be retired along with the new "Running Man" dance.  With that, the randomness is over for now...

Now it ain't no fun if the homies can't have none!  Thus, if you have a random thought or two that's been on your mind either lately or just in general, then please feel free to share in the comments below.  Stay tuned for the next edition of "RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!!"  That is, whenever the randomness strikes the most...