Because you earned your Master of Arts in Procrastination and Pussyfooting, you made the cutoff for voting, are still waiting in line and reading this blog to pass the time. As you begin to ponder your life choices, your contemplation takes you to the current lady in your life. While having a car salesman "ah yes, isn't she a beauty" moment, you're confronted with this reality: "Oh snap...my woman is voting for Donald Trump!!!" Fellas, if this is your predicament, then stop everything you're doing and drop her like Jordan Matthews and Dorian Green-Beckham drop passes. Been pining after her and finally got her number? Delete it. Got through your 90-day probationary period and finally about to get some? Cancel your next date. Currently engaged? Call off the wedding and take that financial hit. At the altar as we speak? Run like the Dickerson and duck every punch from her father, her brother(s), her uncle(s), her male friend(s) and whoever else wants to knock you the f--k out as if you're asking for your beach cruiser back. Already married to her with kids? Let wise words from Usher Raymond be your guide...the kids will understand if you thoroughly explain their mother's incurable insanity. Not convinced you should roll? I have compiled five of the best reasons why you cannot and should not be with a woman who is seriously backing Donald Trump in the most critical election in our country's history...
Unintentionally, Mrs. Scribbler gave me the alley-oop for this week's intro as we were watching one of my favorite movies that surprisingly didn't make the "Tuesday Night at the Movies" cut, the perpetually-hilarious White Men Can't Jump. (Truth be told, I'm actually pretty salty with myself for excluding it because I'm always quoting it and I watch it every time it comes on TV, but I digress.) So one of my favorite parts is when Billy (Woody Harrelson) has to shoot his way back into girlfriend Gloria's (Rosie Perez) good graces after blowing his stack on a bet that he could defy the myth that...wait for it...White men can't jump. Sidney (Wesley Snipes) takes him to the b-ball court where his boy Robert (Cylk Cozart), who's a security guard on the lot where Jeopardy is shot, is willing to get her on the show if Billy makes a shot. When he assumes that he's shooting toward a much easier goal, Robert's partner-in-crime Zeke (Kevin Benton) stands up and says, "No, no, no, no, Billy boy, this is Ghana. You, my friend, are shooting for the Sudan." After the always-funny "and a hook shot", everyone on the court waits with baited breath as Billy does his best Sky Hook from long distance, hits the difficult shot, the crowd goes wild and it immediately cuts to the old school Jeopardy music--and the best version of it, I might add. Yeah, classic stuff right there. Now that I've inspired you to go watch White Men Can't Jump, try to hold off for a while and tough out another edition of "RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!!" first...
