RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!! (Vol. 1, No. 7)

I know...this series should be renamed "The WMATA Chronicles" instead of "RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!!" as often as I refer to D.C. Metro, but bear with me for a moment as I elevate my geekdom a smidge.  Although I have been fascinated with Metro since 1985, I have never really been as obsessed over Metrorail as I have been with Metrobus...until now.  Between the AM General buses of the 1970s and the New Flyer XDE40 (aka the "sexy boosas"), Metrorail's shiny new rolling stock manufactured by Kawasaki Heavy Industries is proof that you must have swagger to be part of any WMATA 7000 series.  One day when taking a drive, I saw an eight-car configuration leaving Takoma in the direction of Silver Spring and was actually mad that I was in my car.  (As abysmal as Metrorail has been as of late, that shouldn't ever be the case.)  Lo and behold, my wish was granted a few days later when I was on my way to work and this thing of beauty came rolling into Silver Spring.  So what does the resident H.M.G.I.C. (Head Metro Geek In Charge) like me do when this happens?  Why, snap a 15-second video and convert it into a GIF, of course!  What else would you expect from your ninth favorite blogger?!?!  Come on, the trains just sound like an intergalactic spaceship of epic proportions, slim...and the rest of y'all D.C. folks know y'all feel the same way, too; I'm just dorky enough to admit it.  Now that I've cemented my nerdiness and perhaps put some of you to sleep, I have four more pinches...

ISN'T PIZZA HUT FOR FOOTBALL?!?! Maybe I'm biased toward the NFL and even NCAA football because they're indisputably awesome.  Maybe it's because 70 percent of the people I know herald football above every other sport.  So when Pizza Hut and other pizza franchises try to market sports parties for sports other than football, it just feels like a cardinal sin.  Let's take the Rio 2016 Summer Olympics for example and this patriotic campaign for their Big Flavor Dipper Pizza to celebrate the USA...in my Kanye voice, "Yeah, that's nice."  However, you see a bunch of people gathered around this extra long pepperoni pizza watching the Olympics.  Am I the only one who doesn't know anybody who hosts parties for Olympic volleyball, gymnastics, swimming, tennis, equestrian races, track and field or a basketball tournament that everybody knows the U.S. is going to win handily?  For real...who do you know that sits around with a bunch of people in front of their big screen TV holding a slice of stuffed crust in one hand and a Corona in the other saying, "Bruh...did you see the form on their pikes?"  Don't get me wrong, I have always loved the Summer Olympics and it's way more interesting than the NFL preseason right now.  (See rant here.)  The problem is that if I suggest to any of my friends to order some pizza and wings, bring a bottle of 1738 and some Heinekens and have an Olympics watch party, they might fall asleep standing up at the idea.  Nice try, Pizza Hut...

MORNINGSIDE.  This is about to be one of those moments where you might suggest that I change the name of this series to "USELESS INFORMATION ALERTS!!!"  (I mean, I wouldn't be offended at the name change, but I've committed to the current name already. Too late in the game for that, slugger.). So as I'm making another Bojangles' run to New Carrollton, I look off in the distance at the old WKYS location on Princess Garden Parkway and it ironically made me think of the old WPGC that very few people in my generation remember.  Because all I knew about during the first six years of my life was WKYS and WHUR, WPGC wasn't on my radar until they became WCLY aka "Classy 95" for all of two years.   When taking a trip to Iverson Mall one morning, Momma Scribbler randomly turned to the easy listening sounds of Classy 95 as a man said "Morningside" like every 30 seconds.  Bewildered, I asked my mom, "Why does that man keep saying 'Morningside'?"  Of course, she had no idea, but I later discovered that Classy 95 was located in Morningside, Maryland.  When WCLY was bought out and the WPGC call letters reemerged under the urban contemporary format, I was like, "Whoa, this isn't the same station...they actually play cool music now!"  Gotta love progress...

"I AM PISSED!!!"  I don't care how much Birdman tries to play it off like he and Toni Braxton are just "homies" and have been so for years...there should have never been a discussion about these two as a possible item.  Unfortunately, this came up at work and I exclaimed with a smile on my face, "I AM PISSED!"  My coworker chuckled and said, "It must be serious if you're cussing!"  Immediately, my focus shifted from Toni Braxton falling out of my top 20 of all-time favorite TV girlfriends forever to thinking, "What prude decided that 'pissed' is a bad word?"  If somebody virulently drops an F bomb, makes a request for sugar honey iced tea or refers to a woman walking on two legs as if she's always on all fours, then that bothers my spirit.  However, I remember being at a barbecue at Momma Scribbler's house, using the word "damn" around one of my second cousins and her berating me for at least 30 minutes.  Context: at the time, she was a 15-year-old preacher's daughter.  Nevertheless, I had a good mind to tell her, "I get it and I'm sorry, but that's enough, little girl...respect your damn elders!"  (Ignorant, I know.)  Two points to close out this part: 1) there must've been a committee who made arbitrary decisions as to what words were classified as dirty words because even phrases like "fart" and "poop" get frowned upon in certain households; and 2) "pissed" or "damn" are the extent of the dirty words that I use, but I never feel like I have to wash my mouth out with soap afterwards.  Maybe after repeating some of the lyrics to The Marshall Mathers LP, but I've already covered that here...

FEEL THE BURN!!!  No, we're not reliving advertisements for safe sex practices from the last edition "RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!!"  Instead, imagine you're a member of that "no judgment zone" place that many fitness enthusiasts do not consider a real gym.  You just had one of the best workouts of your life and are a little bit closer to your fitness goals.  After like 20 looks in the mirror to see if your pudge decreased, you leave but notice a fried chicken spot like two doors down, a carry out across the way and a liquor store within striking distance.  That salad and bottled water waiting for you at home isn't so appealing now, is it?!?!  It's like placing a rehab center for drug addicts smack dab in the middle of the trap.  I've seen an L.A. Fitness a few doors down from a Popeyes in Oxon Hill, a Planet Fitness next door to a Save-a-Lot in District Heights (which is like some of the lowest quality grocery store food in America) and Orange Theory Fitness next to Eye Street Cellars Fine Wine & Spirits in Downtown D.C.  You would think these spots would be closer to SweetGreen, Chop't or more places that offer healthier eating options, but you have to possess the resolve of Jesus Christ to leave the gym and either resist a bottle of Jameson or a three piece and a biscuit.  Good luck with that...

RANDOM REVOLUTIONARIES UNITE!!!  You know you've had at least one off-the-wall thought lately, so keep the party going in the comments.  Please don't forget to come back for the next quirky edition of "RANDOM THOUGHT ALERTS!!!"  (I make no promises that I won't mention anything related to D.C. Metro next time around, so deal with it.  You signed up for all of this!)