Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Dirk's 1st Annual NFL Free Agency Frenzy Wrap-Up


Now that's a money shot.  Amidst so much doubt as to whether you're the franchise quarterback, you go out and play nearly flawless postseason football, win a Super Bowl and put yourself in position to virtually request a blank check during contract negotiations.  However, not every player was in the same position as Joe Flacco when the free agency frenzy began last Tuesday--especially because quarterbacks always get preferential treatment when they win that Lombardi trophy.  Some players tried to gain leverage from what the market dictated combined with their productivity to either be the highest paid or just get more money for their families, fledgling businesses and/or sports car fetishes.  On the converse, many teams had to make hard decisions because they were running up against the salary cap, often letting go of some of their best players.  One thing is clear from this year's free agency frenzy: if you bank on wearing the same uniform your whole career, then plan on being broke.

With that said, March is not only the most popular month for NCAA basketball, but it's slowly becoming the hottest month of the NFL offseason other than April and the NFL Draft.  Many fans have plenty of reasons to get revved up for the upcoming season, while others already know that their favorite team is going to be trash juice.  (That's right, not trash...trash juice...the stinky, nasty, watery offspring of garbage cohabitating together in a dumpster.)  So with every pundit giving their two cents, it's high time that I kick off my "1st Annual NFL Free Agency Frenzy Wrap-Up".  Some of my sentiments may echo some of your favorite experts, while others may shock you a bit.  Either way, buckle up and try not to throw those foam fingers at the computer screen if I slam your team or new favorite player...

MAN UP ALERT: The Kansas City Chiefs.  Although I still question the quick move because of just getting fired and not having recovery time from his son's death, Andy Reid accepting the head coaching position was absolutely necessary for the Chiefs.  Then they traded a 2013 third-round pick this year and a 2014 conditional mid-round pick for QB Alex Smith.  Nobody's confusing him as the new Joe Montana going from San Fran to KC, but he and Chase Daniel will be surefire upgrades over Matt Cassel and Brady Quinn.  They franchised OT Branden Albert, arguably their best offensive lineman.  They worked out a deal with their best receiver in Dwayne Bowe.  In free agency, they picked up CBs Dunta Robinson and Sean Smith to potentially play opposite Brandon Flowers, TE Anthony Fasano to complement Tony Moeaki, WR Donnie Avery as a potential bolster to a receiving corps that Bowe clearly dominates, and other potential helpers to make the Chiefs the best competition for the Broncos.  Oh yeah...and they're drafting first overall if they don't trade out of that spot.  Arrowhead Stadium may be making a comeback as the toughest place to play outside of Lambeau Field and CenturyLink Field.

MAN DOWN ALERT: The Pittsburgh Steelers.  At first, I had the Baltimore Ravens at this spot because Ray Lewis and Matt Birk both retired; they traded away Anquan Boldin; lost Dannell Ellerbe, Paul Kruger and Cary Williams to free agency (although many Ravens fans I know are like "good riddance" to Williams because he was bumbo sauce with a side of wings); and Ed Reed is flirting with free agency, already having visited the Texans.  However, the Ravens' issues may be solved with four simple words: "In Oz we trust."  They'll be fine.

As for their division rivals, only Washington may be in a worse position in terms of being strapped for cash than Pittsburgh.  They cut Rashard Mendenhall, who has lived up to the long line of Steelers' running backs of the past decade that are good but can't stay healthy; Willie Colon, who's now with the Jets; and James Harrison, the face of the new Steel Curtain who was still playing at a high level even in older age.  They let Mike Wallace go to Miami and New England was rumored to be flirting with Emmanuel Sanders, so they could be even lighter at receiver with Antonio Brown and Plaxico Burress--who will be 36 years old at the beginning of the 2013 regular season.  They also lost CB Keenan Lewis to the Saints.  Now, the Steelers could very well make some plays for people like the recently-released Elvis Dumervil, but so could the Ravens and the Patriots.  The Steelers are undoubtedly one of the best organizations in the NFL, but with locker-room shade being thrown, not being able to do much in terms of new talent except through the draft and coming off of a non-playoff season, it's gonna take a lot to keep the wheels from falling off when other teams in the division have more leverage to make moves.

BARGAIN BASEMENT ALERT: Anquan Boldin to the San Francisco 49ers.  So you lose Delanie Walker to the Tennessee Titans, huh?  That's cool...you just gained a receiver who plays more like a tight end and could've arguably been Super Bowl XLVII MVP.  No, you'll never mistake Anquan Boldin for Vernon Davis or Delanie Walker in terms of speed.  However, we're talking about one of the best blocking receivers in the NFL.  We're talking about a guy that's never wide open, but if you throw the ball in his vicinity, he goes up and gets it no matter who's blanketing him.  We're talking about one of the few players for the present 49ers team who can not only say that they've been to two Super Bowls, but also has at least one ring to show for it.  A team player, a hustler and now a champion...and all you had to give up was a 2013 sixth-round draft pick to the team that just beat you in the Super Bowl.  Yeah...only the Broncos' Wes Welker pickup in free agency may rival this.

BANK BREAKER ALERT: Mike Wallace to the Miami Dolphins.  When I think of Wallace, Unger's description of Earl Megget in the 2005 remake of The Longest Yard comes to mind: "He's really, really fast.  I mean, he's so fast, he makes fast people look not fast."  I got it...Mike Wallace is fast.  However, if you're going to pay $60 million over the next five years with $30 million being guaranteed, the dude better be Jerry Rice's clone.  On average, Wallace can produce a 59-reception season, 1,011 receiving yards, 17 yards per reception and eight TDs, but he doesn't impress you with route running or reliable hands.  I know, that's what Miami brought Brian Hartline back for as well as keeping Davone Bess and bringing in Brandon Gibson, but this deal just seems like Alvin Harper going from the Cowboys to the Buccaneers written all over it.  I wish the kid well, but I think the Dolphins are taking their namesake a little too literally by trying to make such a big splash.

POTENTIAL UPGRADE ALERT: Danny Amendola to the New England Patriots.  Let's not get it confused: this is not an upgrade for the Patriots.  True, Wes Welker is older, not as quick as he once was and has the case of the Stone Hands far too often in big games.  However, when you catch 118 passes for 1,354 yards, you just can't overlook productivity for the sake of age and quickness.  However, they probably figured that Welker and Amendola are cut from the same cloth and were cool with letting #83 go.  Anyway, on to the real point...this is about Amendola's upgrade.  You go from the Rams (who have been losers most of his career) to the Patriots (who have dominated their division for the past 11 seasons and are always Super Bowl contenders).  You go from Sam Bradford (who the jury is still out on despite his flashes) to the great Tom Brady (who can make any receiver look better).  You go from a team whose offensive line couldn't keep a 5-year-old girl from sacking their QB to a team with a much better O-line.  What does that mean?  More possibilities to catch more passes because your QB has time to get you the ball.  I'd still take Welker over Amendola, but I must say...he just got a golden opportunity and should thrive in a system primed for slot receivers.

POTENTIAL DOWNGRADE ALERT: Greg Jennings to the Minnesota Vikings.  Again, let's not be mistaken: this is an upgrade for the Vikings because although they lost the more dynamic Percy Harvin to Seattle, they replaced him with a higher character guy.  I absolutely love Greg Jennings as a receiver and he's been one of my favorite receivers in the NFL since his arrival.  (Anybody that helps me win fantasy football and $250 in the process is alright with me.)  Furthermore, I know that he said that he wanted to stay in Green Bay.  However, when you're getting advice from "Mr. Scorned Lover" in Brett Favre who would love nothing more than to stick it to the Packers every chance he gets, allowing yourself to be on a rival team says otherwise.  In his defense, the Packers saying they wanted to keep him can equally be read as hogwash and poppycock because although you have a cadre of receivers, Jennings was to Aaron Rodgers' what a security blanket was to Linus.  He probably felt some kind of way when they didn't offer him a contract extension at the end of the 2011 season.  Now I totally support anyone getting their money and respect, but I just can't get 50 Cent out of my head right now: "Damn, homie...in high school, you were the man, homie...f--- happened to you?!?!"  Don't get me wrong, he will clearly be the best receiver on the Vikings when the next best guy might be Jerome Simpson--seems like a long time ago since his somersault TD, doesn't it.  Also, it helps having the NFL's best running back in Adrian Peterson on your team.  In the end though, this is what he won't be able to get around: he's going from Aaron Rodgers to Christian Ponder.  'Nuff said.

BLOWN COVERAGE ALERT: Wes Welker and Elvis Dumervil.  So this is what Patriots owner Robert Kraft has said about Welker going to the Broncos: "Everyone in our organization wanted Wes Welker back, and anyone who doubts that or doesn't think that we were serious just doesn't get it."  I guess I'm one of those people because I ain't totally buying that.  Kraft continues: "I really believe in this case, his agents misrepresented in their mind what his market value was.  He accepted a deal in Denver that is less money than what we offered him...and I'm just really sad about that."  Okay, so maybe Welker's agents dropped the ball.  Maybe he needs to take a page out of Dumervil's book.  However, his agents have also claimed that when the Pats weren't budging when they tried to negotiate an alternative restructure.  Regardless, the writing was on the wall: after the team lost Super Bowl XLVI--many debating that Welker's drop may have been part of the reason why they lost--they were side-eyeing him when he started throwing shade about not getting a contract extension.  Despite being the Patriots' most productive receiver of the past five years by leaps and bounds, he's still a slot receiver who may have thought more of himself than what the market dictates.  Also, Welker was one of the leaders in a category that no receiver wants credit for: drops.  He was tied for sixth with nine dropped passes in 2012, not including the infamous 3rd-and-8 drop in the AFC Championship game when the Pats were up 13-7 on the Ravens.  That isn't a good bargaining chip when you can receive significant blame for two HUGE playoff losses.  So no matter who was playing more of the game of chicken between Welker's agents and the Patriots management, somebody dropped the ball on this one--and, for once, it may not have been Welker.

Now on to a guy with whom Welker didn't have a chance to be teammates...I guarantee that Elvis Dumervil is not smiling that hard these days.  His former agent, Marty Magid, isn't either and easily qualifies for the "Boo This Man" Moment of the Week.  How is your client finally cool with taking a pay cut, but because of your tried-it fax machine, you couldn't get the paperwork in on time and your client gets cut because Denver would've had to pay him $12 million next season?!?!  Ummmm, last time I checked, this is 2013.  There is no way on God's green earth that you allow a busted fax machine to stand in the way when there are millions of dollars on the table.  Electronic signatures...PDFs...email...plausible updated options...just saying.  I don't ever like the idea of someone losing their job, but this dude deserved to get fired.  Granted, Dumervil and his agent waited until the 11th hour to finally make a decision, so Dumervil is not exonerated completely.  However, that's why you have an agent.  Now if the Broncos decided to re-sign Dumervil--which they have expressed strong interest in doing--they would take a cap hit.  Furthermore, he's in the same boat as Darrelle Revis whereas most teams are not willing to pay his price tag, although Baltimore, Pittsburgh and New England have all expressed interest.  Yet and still, the aforementioned 50 Cent line might be more applicable here.
SLEEPER TEAM ALERT: The Indianapolis Colts.  After having the infamous 2-14 season in 2011, nobody expected anything out of them even once they drafted Andrew Luck--including yours truly.  However, not only did they exceed expectations, but they could've been last year's AFC South champs had they won a few more games.  Rookies like TEs Coby Fleener and Dwayne Allen, WR T.Y. Hilton, and RB Vick Ballard became a solid supporting cast for Luck.  Granted, they were probably the most overrated 11-5 team of the past decade and didn't have much of a defense to speak of, but they still showed signs of life.  Now they add a few needed pieces like S LaRon Landry and DT Ricky Jean-Francois on defense, OT Gosder Cherilus on offense, and veteran experience like QB Matt Hasselback to help the young guns out a bit.  Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves here though...they still have a long way to truly compete with the New Englands, Denvers, and Baltimores of the AFC world.  Nevertheless, if Ryan Grigson can work similar magic like he worked last year, then they can address some of their needs through the draft.  Furthemore, considering that the only other division team to make notable moves in the offseason has been the Tennessee Titans--and I'm still not that sold on them--they have more of a fighting chance to win the AFC South this year.  That brings me to my next team...

SLEEPING TEAM ALERT: The Houston Texans.  It would've been so easy to pick the Jacksonville Jaguars or the Oakland Raiders for this spot.  However, the Texans seem to have it in cruise control right now but can't afford to do so.  They have literally made three moves since free agency began: signed TE Phillip Supernaw, who I've never heard of until researching for this post; released Andre Johnson's long-time "complement" in WR Kevin Walter; and signed T Andrew Gardner, who has largely been a practice squad player most of his career.  They watched James Casey and Connor Barwin pack their bags for Philly and Glover Quin take his desperately-needed talents to Motown.  The most amount of press they've had this offseason is Ed Reed coming to town for two days and Andre Johnson being in contact with Chad Johnson about possibiy joining their ranks...and neither has led to a new signing.  A team that exhibited so much promise in the first half of the 2012 season showed exactly who they were in the second half: a team that looks like they're ready to contend, but are only good for bouncing the Cincinnati Bengals out in the Wild Card round (I mean, who can't do that) and getting molly-whopped by the Patriots.  Outside of Arian Foster and Andre Johnson on offense and J.J. "Swatt" on defense, there's not a whole lot to get overly excited about regarding the Texans--including at QB with Matt Schaub.  I can hear Colts and Titans GMs Ryan Grigson and Ruston Webster, respectively, using some Big Sean lyrics as their motivation for 2013: "Catch me in my office, office, doin' business/The f**k you doin'?  Bullsh****n'!"

EXTRAS & OUTTAKES ALERT: I absolutely love the Steven Jackson pickup for the Falcons because Michael Turner was only good for running the ball, but they desperately need to improve their front seven; offense isn't the problem in the ATL.  Although it goes back to my dislike for people losing their jobs, I love the Eagles cleaning house; they paid too much and didn't get their money's worth from Nnamdi Asomugha, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and Cullen Jenkins.  I really like the Titans getting busy, notably signing G Andy Levitre, RB Shonn Greene (which will be a nice complement to Chris Johnson and keeps Greene from being the featured back), S George Wilson, and TE Delanie Walker.  I like the Lions signing Reggie Bush because it's becoming clear that Jahvid Best will probably never play for them again and that adds another dangerous receiver in the passing game, as well as bringing in CB Chris Houston and S Glover Quin for a busted secondary and DE Jason Jones.  I'm cool with Seattle snagging WR Percy Harvin for what he adds in the passing game, running game and on special teams as long as he's not a headache for Pete Carroll like he was for Leslie Frazier.  (The pun was only halfway intended.)  A young Russell Wilson and that offense doesn't need that either.  Now it's time to get on my Chief Keef...

Although it was probably an inevitable move, I'm not in love with Buffalo releasing Ryan Fitzpatrick and leaving themselves with only Tarvaris Jackson as a potential starter.  Maybe rookie HC Doug Marrone plans on drafting his former Syracuse QB Ryan Nassib, but he can probably wait until the third round to draft Nassib--who is the fifth best QB in a weak draft for signal callers.  While I like the Jets bringing in QB David Garrard to compete, they would've been better off getting Matt Moore because I just don't see them starting Garrard--even if Sanchez and McElroy stink it up in training camp.  I'm not thoroughly impressed with anything that Arizona or Carolina is doing in their offseason, and they'll probably be bottom dwellers again in their respective divisions.  However, there's no two more hopeless teams in the NFL than Jacksonville or Oakland until both teams address their QB issues; Blaine Gabbert and Carson Palmer are not the answers in either situation.

So that's my long-winded wrap-up of this year's free agency frenzy.  Considering that I no longer have a team, I live vicariously through the fandom of everyone else and wish every team some form of success in 2013.  If your team ends up being that team, then please don't be one of those obnoxious fans who act like you personally earned one of those Super Bowl rings.  If not, then there's always next season, kiddo...or worse, another decade before your favorite team arises from its lengthy doldrum.

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